Photo by Moose Photos
In holy matrimony, two become one—not by losing themselves, but by bringing their whole, God-given identity into divine union. True oneness doesn’t require sacrificing your personhood, but rather honoring how each individual’s uniqueness contributes to the strength of the covenant.
In Marviette A. Usher’s 30 Pearls I Do, phenomenal woman empowerment is not about separation but about showing up whole in the covenant of marriage. Becoming one doesn’t mean losing yourself—it means allowing your God-given identity to unite with your spouse in purpose, power, and partnership.
Self-Empowerment in a Relationship
While love and companionship are essential to any successful relationship, personal development is equally as important and sometimes paramount. One plus one may equal two, but two is still composed of two parts: a single whole where two parts are whole as well.
What good is a relationship if it only serves to tie both parties to the ground? A good relationship should be one where everyone is spurred to grow and become a better person.
Often, there is this misconception that because a relationship is the intertwining of two lives, these aforementioned two lives must fully blend with each other, becoming, instead of two distinct hues, a single mix.
This is preposterous!
The beauty of marriage is that it provides people a way to bloom and flourish as their own unique persons, distinct from one another, but in a way that both benefit and are strengthened by the other’s growth.
Photo by Tan Danh
When a relationship begins between two people, what initially occurs is the merging of interests and routines–the carving of a new space, where two distinct ones overlap. Quality time is spent together, shared passions are discovered and joint memories are built.
This is how bonding works.
However, it is equally important that one consciously safeguards the aspects of one’s life that define one as an individual. You can share personal hobbies and dreams with one another, but you have to remember that inviting someone else into your heart does not mean relinquishing all of yourself to them.
As you grow in oneness with your spouse, stay rooted in the God-given identity that makes you uniquely you. A healthy, holy union doesn’t erase who you are—it refines and elevates you both. When each person is free to flourish, the covenant thrives, not wilts.
In a God-ordained union, it’s healthy to continue nurturing the gifts, passions, and friendships that make you who you are. While unity is the goal, individuality doesn’t have to be sacrificed. Mutual respect allows space for each person’s interests and relationships to grow, even when not shared—so long as it honors the covenant and keeps communication open.
Similarly, nurturing your career goals and personal ambitions ensures a sense of purpose and achievement that extends beyond the romantic sphere.
Changing and Flourishing as You
A healthy relationship encourages the personal growth of both individuals. This means supporting each other’s ambitions, even if they require time and effort that might seem to take away from “couple time.” True love isn’t about stagnation. True love is about creating a safe and encouraging space where both partners feel empowered to evolve and reach their full potential.
When partners actively support each other’s individual journeys, it fosters a sense of mutual respect and admiration. It demonstrates that you value your partner not just for their role in your life, but for their inherent worth and potential as an individual.
Protecting Your Inner Space
In a relationship, establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries is crucial for self-empowerment. You need to know where you end and your partner begins. A refusal to draw lines will only lead to more chances for heartache and heartbreak. Even in the sacred union of marriage, healthy boundaries are an act of love—not division. They create space for mutual respect, clarity, and growth. Becoming one doesn’t mean losing sight of your divine identity; it means honoring God, yourself, and your spouse through intentional care, communication, and covenant stewardship.
As such, it is essential that you clearly communicate your needs, limits, and expectations to your partner. In a covenant relationship, clear communication of your God-given needs, boundaries, and expectations is an act of love. Honoring your time, space, and emotional well-being—without guilt—fosters trust and unity. A spouse rooted in Christ will not only understand this, but will also seek the same transparency, creating a bond built on grace, mutual respect, and spiritual maturity.
Healthy, God-honoring boundaries in marriage reflect spiritual maturity and mutual respect. They may look like setting aside time for quiet reflection, nurturing God-given gifts, or lovingly voicing discomfort with certain behaviors. In a covenant built on grace, even a simple ‘no’—spoken in truth and love—does not require guilt or over-explanation. True oneness allows space for both individuals to be seen, heard, and honored.
Photo by Madison Inouye
30 Pearls of I Do by Marviette A. Usher is the culmination of a lifetime of experience and study with relationships, especially under the guidance of a Christian mindset. If you want to know what it takes to hold a longer and more lasting marriage, click this link to learn more!